There is no other, so sure and steady, my hope is held in Your hand
When castles crumble and breath is fleeting, upon this rock I will stand
Upon this rock I will stand
Glory, glory, we have no other king but Jesus Lord of all
Raise the anthem, our loudest praises ring, We crown Him Lord of all
The first Sunday in February I stood in my same church, with my same friends, in the same pew that we almost always sit in, and yet something was different.
With my hands raised, singing the song that has become my anthem over the last few months, I opened my eyes to see a small sea of people worshiping in front of me.
Oh no. I think I’m supposed to go…
As that thought resonated in my foggy, sleep deprived brain, I looked around at the community God has blessed me with. These people. The ones I have “wobbled” with at weddings and hit pinatas with at birthday parties. The people who I have laughed and cried with… mourned disease, death, and brokenness with… These people who know my heart and get me… I mean really get me.
In all my sorrows, Jesus is better – make my heart believe
In all my victories, Jesus is better – make my heart believe
The words swirled around me. How could I leave my people?
Than any comfort, Jesus is better – make my heart believe
But Lord, what about healthcare? What about a salary? I don’t really know much about this job yet… I haven’t even gotten to have an in depth conversation with the director yet… I don’t know…
More than all riches, Jesus is better – make my heart believe
Okay, Abba. I trust You. If we’re going to do this, You’re going to work this out. I have full confidence in that.
Our souls declaring, Jesus is better – make my heart believe Our song eternal, Jesus is better – make my heart believe
Glory, glory, we have no other king But Jesus Lord of all
That was the moment, the moment I knew that I was moving to Alaska.
Yupp. I’ll let that sink in for a bit.
I’ve accepted a position at the Tanalian Leadership Center in Port Alsworth, Alaska for the 2015-2016 school year.
Come September, I’ll be boarding a big plane here in Denver, which will take me to a much smaller plane in Anchorage, which will take me to the remote village of 200ish people that I will be calling home for the next nine months.
What will I be doing, you ask? Great question.
I will essentially be the girls’ house mom, mentor, and teacher at TLC– an intermediary program and boarding school for at-risk, native Alaskan students who have graduated high school, but don’t quite have the skill set to go to college or directly into the work force yet.
For the better part of a year, I’ll live in a village accessible only by bush plane, in house full of teenage girls, teaching them how to be adults who live for Jesus. (Ha! Note to self: Figure out how to be an adult sometime before September.) I’ll be leading exegetical studies of the Bible, teaching leadership and life skills, and helping prepare kids for the SAT/ACT, and ultimately college.
Every time I think about this opportunity that the Lord literally dropped in my lap out of no where, my adventurous, momma-heart gets insanely giddy.
I’m so excited to embark on this new adventure.
There are new people to love, new stories about the power of Christ yet to be written, and hopefully a ton of four-wheeling, hiking, snowboarding, and fishing to be done.
And as my mind begins to daydream about the beauty of the adventure ahead, I begin to think about all the beautiful relationships and fun adventures that I’ve been blessed to have in Colorado in the last year– a year that I nearly missed out on because of my own stubbornness and plans to move to Texas.
Climbing a 14-er in a freak summer blizzard (in shorts) with my closest friends.
Roadtripping to and from Missouri in 25 hours for delicious BBQ.
Hurtling across a valley on horseback in the cool mountain rain.
Leaping through meadows of mountain wild flowers with my roommates.
Learning to drive a stick shift on a nearly abandoned Nebraskan highway.
Holding my students up as they in turn held candles at their friends’ candle light vigil.
Countless weekends of intense volleyball tournaments at Sloans’ lake.
Cliff jumping blindly from 30 feet into Horsetooth Reservoir.
Laughing wildly as I was blindly lead through a death-trap of an ancient amusement park after losing my glasses on a roller coaster.
(Note to self number two: Reevaluate the safety of my life choices…)
But inevitably, my memories lead me back to reality where my heart sinks a bit and my eyes well up with tears as I realize what I’m about to do.
I am going on a beautiful, life changing adventure with Jesus… But I’m going without my people by my side everyday and that has been a bittersweet pill to swallow. If I dwell on that for too long, in typical “overwhelmed-Kacy-processing-style”, my generally cool, calm, and collected demeanor cracks and before I know it, I’m freaking out a bit.
I mean, I’m moving 2,500 miles away from the life that I have watched God build up for the last several years. I’m moving to a village– a literal village– where the only public establishment is a coffee shop. (Because come on, Jesus knows I wouldn’t survive without a coffee shop…)
But in all seriousness, that coffee shop is IT.
There are airplane runways instead of roads, and ATV’s instead of cars where I’m heading. There are no stores, no libraries, no nothing.
I’ll have to order my groceries to be delivered by plane once a month. And while that is REALLY FREAKING COOL, the thought of navigating an entirely new culture without my people by my side makes me a bit dizzy.
True to the gracious nature of God however, I continue to have one phrase ring in my soul whenever my panic level begins to rise– a phrase that I heard at the very beginning of my journey into missions a few years ago.
You have been blessed to be a blessing.
I have not been blessed with such beautiful, God honoring relationships just to lock them away and hide them (and their fruit) from the rest of the world. No, I have been blessed with and transformed by these beautiful people to in turn learn to hold them loosely and release them to whatever God has next for them; just as they get to learn how to release me to the wilderness for nine months.
It is a unique/ glorious/ stressful opportunity to learn how to hang on loosely– to my precious relationships, to my students and co-teachers during my last few months of this season at the Denver Street School, to my Gospel Community…really to everything here in Denver from my family to my sweet Tiny Dancer and her momma– but I know it is a beautiful blessing none-the-less.
As the note card hanging on my wall reminds me every morning, this life is not my own.
These people are not mine to keep. I have been put on this earth to glorify God, share the Gospel, and to be obedient to His calling… even when that calling takes me 2,500 miles outside of my comfort zone.
Jesus, make my heart believe.
“And he said to all, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will save it. For what does it profit a man if he gains the whole world and loses or forfeits himself? For whoever is ashamed of me and of my words, of him will the Son of Man be ashamed when he comes in his glory and the glory of the Father and of the holy angels. But I tell you truly, there are some standing here who will not taste death until they see the kingdom of God.”