Shaken up

snowglobe

I have a weird collection of snow globes from when I was a child. (Apparently my grandmother thought that the best thing for her clumsy granddaughter to collect was fragile glass balls of glittery water… You now know where I get my logical thinking from…) Anyway, as I sat staring at the row of snow globes on my bookcase in my apartment the other day, something in my brain clicked.

Lately, I have felt like one of the tiny figurines in my snow globes. When the globe is sitting in one place, everything is clear– which is symbolic of the state that I have been living in for roughly the last year. Last December, I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that I was exactly where God wanted me. I thought I was going to be teaching at the Denver Street School for years to come. I didn’t foresee any big changes in my life that were going to shake up my snow globe existence and I was pretty content with that.

Then last January when I turned down a missions fellowship in Glasgow, Scotland, God shook up my snow globe by having my dear friend take me to a Perspectives class and wreck me for the broken and lost all over the world. Even though I didn’t see it then, this was the beginning of my journey toward graduate school and Texas.

Fast forward 11 months, 1 grad school acceptance letter, and several major freakouts:

This past Saturday, while having coffee and Bible study with two of my closest friends, it dawned on me: I didn’t need to be freaked out about moving to Texas next summer. After all, I’m not moving to “live” in Texas; I’m moving to live with God somewhere else. (Keep in mind that this revelation came after weeks of praying and crying while the glittery dust of getting accepted into graduate school settled in my little snow globe of a life.) It was in that revelation that I really felt at peace with where God was leading me. That afternoon the glittery dust finally settled and for the first time since this chaotic journey began, I was ready to go where ever God wanted me to go.

Not even 24 hours later, I was sitting in another coffee shop waiting to have coffee with a different friend before evening church when I logged onto my school’s website to register for my spring semester online classes when I saw it– the listing of online classes for next summer and fall. More precisely, the list showing exactly the classes that I need to take next summer and fall online.

I couldn’t believe it. I literally sat and stared at my computer screen for a solid 5 minutes trying to process what this meant. I can take my whole first year of grad school online… Does this mean I still have to move this coming August? Is this an answer to my incredibly selfish prayers to not have to leave Denver quite yet? Should I move anyway, even if I don’t have to?

In those 5 minutes, it felt like I was back in my little snow globe, except this time it wasn’t sitting somewhere while the glittery dust was gently floating to the bottom like the day prior. No, this time Someone had it in Their hand and They were shaking it up, mixing all of my carefully laid plans together.

Thankfully, my friend walked in shortly after and she was able to chat through things with me, reminding me that I need to pray through things and not freak out. So pray, we did and once again I was reminded that none of this is my decision anyway. Ultimately, I will go where God wants me to go. I simply need to pray, wait, and let the glitter settle again so I could see clearly where He is leading me.

After about an hour of chatting, we gathered our things and went to church together, where our missions pastor stood up and announced that there were still openings for this summer’s missions fellowship to, you guessed it, Glasgow, Scotland. Instantly, my snow globe was shaken up again and my thoughts started swirling along with all of the glitter in my brain.

Is this why I might not have to move to Dallas right now? Am I supposed to spend my summer working with the homeless and hopeless on the other side of the world in Glasgow? Is this another answered prayer or is this just me wanting adventure and finding it right at my finger tips?

The answer: I don’t know.

But I do know that as I write this, I have my missions application open in the other tab of my browser and I’m planning to begin it shortly. I don’t know if God is leading me to Dallas, or Glasgow, both, or even somewhere completely different this summer, but I do know that He is leading me… and He will take me exactly where I’m supposed to go.

Make me to know your ways, O Lord;
teach me your paths.
Lead me in your truth and teach me,
for you are the God of my salvation;
for you I wait all the day long.”

(Psalm 25:4-5)

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